Is there a better way to love the person you chose — even when it's hard, especially when it's hard?
Marriage isn't a destination — it's a daily practice of asking whether you're showing up the way you should. I'm not a counselor. I'm a husband who's learned that the same relentless improvement mindset that builds companies can build a marriage — if you have the humility to apply it to yourself first.
The hardest ITABWODI question I've ever asked wasn't in a boardroom — it was at my own kitchen table. Running a $70M company, launching ventures, leading a church group, raising five kids. The question 'is there a better way' applied to marriage means asking: am I present? Am I listening? Am I leading with love or just with competence? That's the real work.
The same relentless improvement mindset that builds companies can build a marriage — if you have the humility to apply it to yourself first. Am I present? Am I listening? Am I leading with love or just competence?
Running a $70M company, launching ventures, leading a church group, raising kids. The question applied to marriage means: am I giving my best to the person who deserves it most, or just my leftovers?
Your spouse doesn't need you to fix everything. They need you to be there. Put the phone down. Make eye contact. Ask how they're doing — and actually listen to the answer.
If your marriage is struggling, your leadership at work is borrowed time. The foundation matters. Get this right and everything else gets easier.
You'll both fail. You'll both have bad days. The question isn't whether you'll disappoint each other — it's whether you'll extend grace when it happens. That's the real test.
Marriage isn't a contract — it's a covenant. Sacrificial love, unconditional grace, mutual submission, the security to be fully known without fear. Everything else is technique. The foundation is the gospel.
The couples who thrive aren't the ones who never fight. They're the ones who fight well — with honesty, listening, and a commitment to resolution over winning. ITABWODI in conflict means: is there a better way to work through this?
When I'm home, the laptop closes. If I can't close it, I name that honestly instead of pretending to be present. My kids don't need a body in the room — they need a father who's engaged. Half-presence is worse than honest absence.
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